Saying goodbye to my Guardian Angels; Reliving my past trauma

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

So where was I? Oh yes! I had just found out that my extradition papers had come through. I sat there fighting tears, and I am sure that I should have been paying attention to what the woman in front of me was saying, but my mind was millions of miles away.

I kept picturing my mom and dad’s faces. I wondered if they knew that I would be leaving Panama tomorrow. The room had become silent, so I knew that the woman had stopped talking. I wasn’t paying attention, so I was unsure of what to say. I blurted out,

“So I am leaving tomorrow?”

The woman gave me a strange look. “Yes! This is what we have been talking about for the last ten minutes. Did you hear all of my instructions.”

“Yes,” I replied.  I didn’t but I am sure I would figure out the rest. She called for a guard, and I was escorted back to the house. My thoughts were racing, but I couldn’t help but say a silent prayer in my head. I had heard so many stories of girls being at the prison for months, even years before their cases were brought to trial. I knew, deep down inside that this was the work of my parent’s prayers. It had to be. I had only been there about a month, and already, I was leaving.

When I arrived at the house, I rushed inside to find Angella and Andrea. They were both in their spots, hanging and talking. I walked up to them excited to tell them the news.

“Girls. I am leaving tomorrow!”

“What!” They both yelled at the same time. “That is great,” Angella said excitedly. “How did they manage to get you out of here so fast?

“I have no idea Angella! I am going to have to say that God had something to do with this.” 

“Of course,” Andrea piped in. “You must be so excited!”

“I am,” I replied.

As I looked at their faces, a rush of sadness instantly overwhelmed me. I had grown to love these women. They had been sent to keep me safe during this time, and just like that, I knew that I would probably never see them again. It makes me think of the saying, “You meet people for a reason, or a season.” It is funny how cliché statements only make sense when you are experiencing them in the moment.

“Well,” Andrea nudged me gently with her foot, “You better not forget us!”

It was almost like she had been reading my mind.

“Forget you! I could never forget you two.” I had forced myself to not become emotional while I was here, but at this moment, I couldn’t help but cry. Angella, and Andrea came over and hugged me. We stayed like that for a few minutes, and they allowed my tears to flow over them. After what seemed like ten minutes, we finally let go of each other.

“Let’s make a going away meal together,” Angella suggested, and she turned and walked towards the kitchen.

I turned towards Andrea, and looked at her face. I could tell she was sad. Her and I had formed a bond during this time, one that we have to this very day. I remembered that there were times when my hips hurt from lying on the ground, and she would allow me to sleep in her bed with her, even though that was considered a no, no.

She broke the silence. “Tomorrow, I am going to wake up with you and help you get ready. I will even do your makeup for you.”

“Awww! Andrea. You don’t have to do that,” I said with tears in my eyes.

“You’re right! I don’t have to do anything, but I want you to leave in style. With your bougie self.”

We both laughed and turned to go help Angella put together my going away feast.