Vulnerability – A superpower for female leaders

BY NELISA DLAMINI

We cannot deny the gender inequalities we face globally, the structural and non-structural barriers that exist within corporations that often hinder (slow down) the success of many women. Some of these barriers include the misconception that femininity is bad for business.

For many of us, we grew up with the adage, “this is a man’s world” and this paradigm was further exacerbated by our personal experience of walking into factories, corporate spaces, mines and more, where most of the employees were men.

In the industry I worked in, Fast Moving Consumer Goods, the senior leaders mostly consisted of men. This paradigm of living in a man’s world was firmly cemented in my early career. I was socialised into believing that in order to be successful, I had to portray more masculine traits, as I would be taken more seriously in the boardroom. I built a façade that I thought portrayed strength and resilience, but I was not leveraging my femininity and that façade could only get me so far.

I conformed, even as a non-conformist. When I changed organisations, my façade became a barrier to my career progression. I had abandoned most of my feminine traits, especially vulnerability as I perceived vulnerability as a weakness and thought, no one would want a weak leader. I was fortunate to join an organisation that assigned me coaches, mentors and regular peer reviews. As you would guess, my 90-day review feedback revealed that I lacked vulnerability. I later realised that that lack of vulnerability would limit me as a leader as I would not be able to build trust within my team and help them thrive.

Brené Brown defines vulnerability as “Uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” Vulnerability requires courage. In fact, the root of the word courage is cour – the Latin word for heart. In essence, the original meaning of courage is “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Brené is clear about how vulnerability is not about letting all your dirty laundry “hang out”, rather leadership vulnerability is about sharing what is appropriate in the workplace. It is having the wisdom to know what will add value and what will be apt as you open up. We may all have the ability to be vulnerable, but a few actually are vulnerable and that is what sets many leaders apart.

Vulnerability is strength for leaders as it builds trust and consequently stronger teams. A vulnerable leader comes across as more human, team members feel free to express their opinions and are less afraid of being wrong. This interpersonal approach, as opposed to a task oriented one, is where women shine more than men according to Winny Shen, associate professor of organization studies at York University in Toronto. Teams led by women may come up with more innovative solutions, because of the diversity of opinions shared by team members who feel free to make mistakes around them.

The benefits of being a vulnerable leader are clear: strong, dependable, high performing, resilient teams with a strong foundation of trust, but how do we nurture a healthy level of vulnerability as female leaders? Ask for help when you need it. You do not have to be a superwoman and you will perform better when you leverage the skills and insights of those around you. Ask for feedback from your team so that you may be aware of your strengths, development areas and blind spots. Develop work relationships with your team that go beyond just work. Ask your team about their weekend, talk about each other’s families (within reason of course), hobbies and more. Building deeper relationships within teams helps each individual feel like they are part of something bigger than themselves and not a mere commodity with the team.

Vulnerability is a great trait for leaders; use it!