Getting ready to go home, reliving my past trauma!

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

As I sat there and looked around, I couldn’t help but feel this twinge of sadness. I looked at the girls busying themselves getting dinner ready. The usual evening routines had begun to play out; some girls were in the kitchen, some were in the back room, and some girls were playing cards and dominoes in the main room.

I sat there looking around; what an experience it had been. It brought me back to my first day there; how I felt. What a difference. The feeling can only be explained as indifferent. I couldn’t quite place what I was feeling. I guess relief might be the closest feeling to describe it.

I was snapped out of thoughts by someone calling my name; “Simone.” It was Angella. She was standing there with a plate in her hand. “Are you ready to eat? I made your Angella special.”

“Absolutely!” I felt so filled with love. These women had taken me in and protected me. I was really going to miss them.

We sat together laughing and joking throughout our dinner. We did our clean up, and Andrea let me sleep in her bed that night. As I closed my eyes, all I could think about was my parents. I was looking forward to seeing them. I was looking forward to seeing my boyfriend. I didn’t know how my life was going to be when I got home, all I knew was that I was going home.

“Simone!”

Andrea was shaking me gently.

“Simone! You have to get up. We have to get you ready to leave.”

I shook the sleep off and sat up. The day was here. I was going home. I rolled out of bed, grabbed my clothes and went to take my shower. As I was showering, I imagined what it would be like to shower in hot water again. My mind wandered to thoughts of being home. To be able to sleep in a bed, eat real food.

I quickly dried off and put on my clothes. Andrea was sitting in the room waiting for me.

“Let’s get your makeup done, it is almost time Simone. Are you excited?”

“I don’t know what I am feeling yet Andrea,” I responded. “I won’t lie; it all feels so weird.”

We sat and chatted quietly. We talked about staying in touch, and I promised to write to her and send her some money. As we were chatting, I heard the sound of the guards coming towards the house.

“It is almost time Sim!”

I ran into the bathroom to look at my face. She had done a great job. I looked at my face and finally saw the Simone that I recognized. I straightened my back, and adjusted the messy bun I had put my braids in.

When I came out of the bathroom, the guards were in the main room waiting for me. I picked up my bags and turned to look at Andrea who was standing by the gate watching me. I walked over to her and gave her a big hug.

“Thank you Andrea; for everything. Please say bye to the girls for me. I am going to miss you guys.”

“Bye Simone! We are going to miss you. Please take care of yourself, and don’t forget to write.”

I turned around and walked up to the guards. They pointed for me to walk ahead of them, and I carefully stepped around the mats of the women who were still sleeping. Some had woken up and had started their day. Others were just starting to stir.

As I walked out the main gates of the home, I glanced back. I knew that memories of this place would stay with me forever. I turned back around and headed towards the main building. The next part of my journey was about to begin, and I could feel my anxiety kicking in.

It was time to go home.