A better decade for Simone Jennifer Smith: Reliving my past traumas

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

“A million feelings, a thousand thoughts; a hundred memories, one person.”

I wanted to end this year on a note of thanks to members of the community who have supported me this last decade. It has been one of the hardest decades of my life. The ups and downs that existed were my own doing. Yes! Me! I did it all to myself, and this new decade will allow me to iron out my past mistakes, and share what I have learned with our young women. Where to start? Let’s see. All right, we will start in 2012 when I was arrested in Panama…

 She conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings.”

Atticus
You never think it is going to happen to you until it does! I will never forget the day as long as I live. I etched it in my skin. It was the date that would change my life forever. October 21^st, 2012. A few years earlier, I had moved back to Toronto to live at home with my parents for a bit. I had finished my Masters in Humanistic and Clinical Psychology, and had been focused on school for about ten years so I needed a break. My parents honoured my request, and they told me to move home with them. My plan was to work a bit, and then return to school to finish my PhD.

In early 2012, I started my company Hear 2 Help. It was based of the premise of offering high-level education and mentoring to families in the community who could otherwise not afford it. The idea came to me after I walked out of my corporate retail job. I had enough of being slighted; the company I worked with were not enhancing my natural abilities, but downplaying them, and having me work on tasks that left me feeling, well, dumb!

I started tutoring part-time and spent a lot of time adapting to the social media culture. This is how Trish Browning, the Queen at the Toronto Caribbean Newspaper found my writing online (but that is a whole other story). After tutoring in our communities, I saw that there was something missing; there was a component that was not part of many tutoring programs; a focus on a student’s emotional state.

I saw that as an opening. This was it. This was how I was going to make my mark. So I did it! I decided that this was the time to start my own thing, and what a start it was. In about three months, I went from two families to twenty families. I had to hire after only two months, and my rise seemed unstoppable. Seemed.

Not only was Hear 2 Help acquiring new families, other companies were picking me up for small projects as well. Life was good! I was travelling a lot, and this trip back from Costa Rica seemed like no other. On our way back (I was travelling with my boyfriend at the time), we had a connecting flight in Panama. When we got off the plane, there were hoards of officers checking everyone’s passport. I didn’t think anything of it, until the woman who had my passport said, “Simone Jennifer Smith, you are under arrest, and you are being held by Interpol for the United States of America. There was a warrant out for your arrest, and you will have to come with us.”

This was the beginning of the end of the life I knew.

I’m not perfect, I make mistakes, I hurt people. But when I say I am sorry, I really mean it.

 The story of the reason for my arrest will be detailed, but now is not the right time. What I most regret about the whole experience is seeing what it did to my parents. I watched them have to lose a lot just to keep me safe. This is not how it is supposed to be at this age. I should have been supporting them, not them support me.

The last ten years have been years of growth: emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. I found writing, the gift that was given to me. Remarkable. I have used this God given gift as a way to empower people through written word. I have learned the art of reciprocity, and rediscovered the greatness that has been hidden for years, masked by hurt and trauma. 2020 is going to be spectacular because I am going to create it that way. The past. Done! The future. Unknown! My vision. Gargantuan!