“Daddy is not here this year!” Reflections on Father’s Day celebrations for deceased and absent fathers

BY LA SHAWNA GRIFFITH

Father’s Day! The time of the year when we celebrate the male figures in our lives that have gone above and beyond to instill strict values in us: their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

Usually in Barbados, families take their father to lunch at any of the popular hotels on the island, or some of them have a more laid-back celebration with a beach picnic at any of the beaches on the island.

The celebration of Father’s Day began one hundred years ago on June 19th, 1920, when a young woman wanted to honour her dad. Before this, in May 1909 Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington, sat in church listening to a Mother’s Day sermon when she was struck with the idea of creating a special holiday to honour fathers too.

111 years later we have Father’s Day which is celebrated in the Caribbean, Latin American Countries as well as: Argentina, Canada, France, Greece, India, Ireland, Mexico, Pakistan, Singapore, and South Africa.

But while everyone is celebrating their love for their fathers on Father’s Day, I decided to look at those who do not have a father in their lives. What is it like for someone who has lost his or her father?

I sat and watched the sadness on my mother’ face when she lost her father (my grandfather) Father’s Day was not easy, as they were separated by thousands of miles. My mother resides in Barbados, and my late Grandfather resided in the United States of America. Regardless of the distance, they would make the effort to talk to each other every single Father’s Day.

As a child, I looked forward to those conversations with my grandfather. It was my chance to update him on everything that was happening in my life. We spoke for hours until the credit on the phone would die.

Now that he is deceased, Father’s Day for my mother is a day for her to reflect on the happy memories that she shared with her father over the years. For a family who has lost their father, celebrating the day will be hard for them, but they can take solace in the happy memories that they shared with their loved one.

On the flip side, there are the persons who on Father’s Day are reminded of their parents’ absenteeism.

If I use myself as an example, growing up, I never met my paternal grandfather. I have no idea what he looks like, or who he is for that matter. I always wondered what he would sound like and if he would be proud of all of my achievements.

Father’s Day is not celebrated in my household as it was years ago. I would create a Father’s Day card during Sunday school for my father and give it to him with a kiss on his cheek. As I got older, circumstances changed, and I now contact my father on WhatsApp to wish him a Happy Father’s Day.

One of the things that I realized with writing this article is that there are numerous male figures in our society who may not necessarily have children but have been the dominant male figure for children in their community. When asked, some persons said that they always saw their male class teachers as positive role models and even police officers that scared them straight.

For those whose fathers are absent, take the time to reach out to your father, and see if you can start a relationship. Sometimes dads who are absent in a child’s life are scared of the role of fatherhood because truth be told, it is not easy.

Take the time to call them and have a chat with them because one thing that COVID-19 has taught me is that time is a prized commodity.