I felt humiliated and rightfully I should!

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

I was led out of my cell back through the corridor that I had passed through days before. Everything looked different during the day. As I passed by the officers, I saw them leering at me. I just ignored them and kept my eyes on Officer Rodriguez. He brought me into a room, and I saw the suitcase that I had come there with. I was relieved, and I am not sure why. I think it was because it was a sense of familiarity for me. It was the first thing that I had seen that reminded me of my life, and David, oh lord David!

I stood there in my thoughts as they were going through paperwork. I want to remind everyone that nothing is in English, and the interpreter that had been there a few days ago, was nowhere to be found. They shoved paper in front of me to sign, and I did what I was told. What was I supposed to do? I had no one there to speak to, no one to ask questions to. I just signed my name.

The next part of this story is the part that bothered me the most. I have told people who have asked me to tell my story that the worst thing about being held by the government is the fact that you are treated like you are less than human. I was brought outside, and led to what looked like a shed. Two women officers were in there, and they instructed me to take off my clothes. They searched through my hair, looked behind my ears, they asked me to lift my breast up, and then they asked me to bend over and spread my bottom open. Everything inside me wanted to say no, but I realized that I really had no choice. I felt humiliated. I have never felt as low as I did in that moment.

It seemed like forever, but eventually I was allowed to put back on my clothes. I was led out of the tent, and instructed to stand by a gate. As I stood there, I took a moment to breathe. It was the first time that I had felt sun on my skin in days. It was a hot day, and I could feel the heat on my skin. As I looked around, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful it was. It was so green, so lush. The air smelt like the sea, and there was a cool breeze that had kicked up. I remember thinking that I wish I had come here under different circumstances to really experience what Panama had to offer.

Suddenly the gate opened, and I saw a large van pull in. Officer Rodriguez, who had disappeared during my mortifying experience, came around the corner and spoke to the driver. He then turned to me and walked over. He had cuffs in his hand, which I knew were for me. I put my hands out instinctively, and he placed the cuffs on my hands. I noticed that he did not squeeze them very tightly, and I smiled softly at him, a smile that he returned with a wink. He then walked me over to the van and opened the door. As the door to the van opened I froze. This was it. I was going to prison. Everything inside me shut down.

It seemed like eternity, but I was snapped out of my thoughts when Officer Rodriguez gently nudged me. I stepped into the van and sat down. A few minutes later, another young lady was brought to the van, and was placed behind me, and then another girl I didn’t recognize was brought in and put in the back seat. We didn’t say anything to each other; we didn’t even really look at each other. We both sat there, waiting as fate determined what was going to happen to us next.