The greatest love of all

BY: COLLEEN LINDBERG

The word self-love… such a great word, yet most of my life I never really understood what it meant. I thought that if I really took time for myself, asked for the things I wanted and stood in that, that it meant I was selfish. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I came to realize that without nurturing ourselves, we could never really understand love or nurture others.

So, if I don’t truly love myself, then there was no way that I could truly love others, as there would always be a disconnect. Have you ever felt this way before? You may have been jealous over something? Or felt inadequate in a relationship? Or sought out attention because you yourself weren’t feeling enough? I have experienced all of these things and more.

Reflecting back into my life, I realized that my disconnect in those relationships, whether it was in a love relationship or one with friends, had nothing to do with them but with my own disconnect with myself. My perceived illusion of what I thought others would “give” to me, instead of feeling complete in my own self and then allowing others into my life to accent the great things. Once I realized this, I had to figure out how do I nurture this great relationship with myself? I started with these three steps:

1. The exercise in the mirror: Some of us have grown up in environments where empowering words were scarce, we were told many “negative” things growing up and then as kids started to believe it and therefore as adults, that’s all we knew. This exercise is to be done twice a day, while looking at yourself in the mirror, preferably right into your own eyes. Speak to yourself and say:

• I believe in you
• I love you
• I am proud of you
• I appreciate you
• I forgive you
• I am doing the best that I can with the knowledge, skills, and understanding that I have.

This exercise at first might feel weird, it might feel awkward, it might not feel like anything… but trust me over time it’s a powerful one to connect with you.

2. When you are about to make a decision, reflect on the decision and ask yourself 

• Is this what I really want?
• Does it feel good for me to move in this direction?
• Is it in alignment with my goals and with my values?
• Will it get me closer to where I want to be?

Self-reflection is a great tool to utilize when it comes to the connection with your

self. It makes us analyze whether our decisions are based on the true self or whether we are letting others in our lives influence our decisions. It really makes you realize what it is that you truly want and it will allow you to make easier decisions that feel good.

3. Lastly, take inventory of your life and clean out the things in it that don’t resonate with who you are and what you want. This can be in all aspects. It’s one of my favourite exercises to do, the release of the old so that I can make room for the new. 

Self-love is something that we must be in awareness of. It’s almost one of those things that you have to remind yourself of every hour, like a phone alarm that says “Are you loving yourself?” Set yours today.